Magic solutions and methodologies explained

Our friend Art Burshy is still working as an interim manager.
And as any new manager he feels the need to make an impression, a need to change
Like dogs always feel the need to pee over any object on their way to mark their territory.
But Art resists; he knows that it is good to first know more about the service and the team before making any plans to change.

He does however get several calls every week by people congratulating him with his new job and offering 'help'.
Art first wondered how they all knew...but when asking to a recent caller he found out the truth was rather simple....
all these people had seen it on his LinkedIn profile and on other social media...

Although Art Burshy is not convinced by all the services being offered, one stood out; the company promised a methodology that could solve all Art's problems.
As a start it was already interesting that they 'knew' Art Burshy was facing problems, especially as Art had just arrived and did not even know himself.
So Art thought there were 2 options:
a) this was a ridiculous sales pitch, and he could have quite a laugh making fun of them, or
b) it actually works, and then you could not afford to miss out on it.

Art Burshy in general does not religiously believe in methodologies.
Sure, methodology can be useful when based on insight and experience. Main added value is that it provides you 'a structure of thinking' and a way to see whether you missed anything in your approach.
There are in Art's view however a few issues with methodology:
- they often become the leading and 'sexy' company goal (the Holy Grail), where they are just a tool to be used in the right way to achieve a true business goal. People then focus on implementation and completely lose track of reality and what they really should deliver to their clients
- when implemented too literally they become a rigid framework, they create bureaucracy and actually make people stop using the key element of working: common sense.
- methodologies are often poorly implemented, not enough adjusted to the specific company, by not so intelligent people and with a lack of understanding. And then those people conclude that 'the tool is no good'.
'No, you just professionally screwed it up yourself' is what Art Burshy would be happy to tell them.

Art also has a view of the types of methodologies, and he has given them 'easy' names:
A. Wrapped Common Sense methodologies
These are basically ideas and methodologies that any kid could think of, but they are branded with a marketing sauce to make them look better.
B. The Statistics Guru methodology
In this case someone has decided to analyse many companies, managers, success stories, f*ck-ups, put all these numbers in a tombola and hen looks at correlations. And the correlations become 'rules' or 'guiding principles' and before you know you have a religion based on these quantitative observations. These ideas often are correlations; tings that tend to occur in parallel, but not really representative for loking at what actually caused all these things to happen.
C. The Western Chop-it-up methodologies
In Western societies people have been raised with structures and certain mantras to address issues. What people get taught from young age is to put their structure on the world. And if it does not work? You need to push harder. Many methodologies are made by those people and they just cut the subject in pieces and describe how to change each piece, trusting that in the end - voila - the whole has been cured by changing all  the pieces.
D The Mix-it-and-rename methodologies
And here we are with methodologies that combine multiple different and completely unrelated elements to form their own methodology. Like using Greek arche types to analyse company behaviour; as if the Greek arche types are not just a set of characters based on funny stories invented when the Greeks were having drinking parties.
Art Burshy also had the idea at some moment in time to create a methodology like this.
For example you could mix:
- Old Chinese wisdom and process thinking, adding Yin and Yang to the lives of people working in factories and large office floors
- Humour Concepts and Change Management, so at least people will have fun going through all the insane changes that companies go through nowadays, or
- kids language and coaching; and creating groups of kids to coach the boards of large companies. And would be fun to have CEOs and other big bosses explain their business to an 8 year old. Probably these kids would have more interesting questions than a regular company board.

Well, all very interesting of course, but in the end Art Burshy had the session with the company that promised to have the solution to all his problems.
It turned out quite fun, when Art asked 'So, as you can solve all my problems, maybe you can start by telling me which problems I actually have?'
This created a pretty puzzled expression on the consultants face, but he recovered and explained about statistics of all the problems that companies have. And how they had combined several concepts to build one that could be used anywhere. And the good things is, it comes with a computer program and an App...
Art just started laughing so loud and could not stop; this was just too hilarious.

After half an hour the consultants left, smiling with their mouth, but a puzzled frown on their face and a traumatised look in their eyes.
Sure, Art had wasted 30 minutes of his precious time, but at least he had a good laugh. And that is quite rare in business nowadays, isn't it...

exaggerating experience is not always helpful

Art Burshy has found since some time an interim job.
Miraculously he had been asked to temporarily take a position as manager at a financial institution.

Art told some of his friends, and all thought he was pulling a joke. And why would that be; why could an artist not be a manager at a financial institution?
Sure, Art can think of a few reasons or prejudices that would make it "improbable":
- where artists strive to reach an ideal without really looking at money as a purpose, the purpose of financial institution is to make money
- people at financial institutions seem quite homogeneous; many middle aged men with standard shirts and suits. And Art Burshy has noticed that people at work look frequently at his beard and clothing style, even taking the liberty to make negative remarks.
- where people and businesses in finance try to be predictable and deliver predictable results (is that what they call reliable? ) artists actually try to avoid being predictable.
- where people at financial institutions often seem bored, but get stuck there as wages are so great; artists use boredom to be the basis of reinventing themselves and search for new directions and inspiration.
- where financial institutions do large efforts to install values and become socially responsible, artists take values as their basis and spend their days reflecting on themselves and their social context.

Still, at the same time it is obvious to Art Burshy that artists like himself can have an added value in these type of organisations. Primarily around bringing inspiration at times that the primary focus seems to be on cost cutting and efficiency.
Well, here I stop Art from speaking as this is his typical pet peeve, and I heard this story many times before.

Mr A. Burshy (at least that is what is written on his business card) is reviewing candidates for the person that will replace him and take the permanent position. Going through stacks of CV's and letters Art observes a few trends:
- people overestimate relevance of their experience: I guy that mobbed the floor at Goldman Sachs describes himself as Floor Manager and feels he has sufficient financial experience
- people exaggerate their experience; a guy that started his career at age 22 gave as his first position: Senior Manager. How can you be a good manager if you never did a normal job before?
- loads of spelling and language mistakes; very odd to display such sloppiness when the job description asked for accuracy.
- managers seeing this job as step 2 of 21 on their way to the top; Art Burshy feels that such motivation is not right. You should become a manager because you like to work with people and enjoy to see the team grow. Any other reason will make managers run away from their position when the first difficulties arrive.

Actually here Art agrees with the view he once heard that "a manager gets the people he deserves within 2 years". If a manager manages terribly in the end people reporting to him will change behaviour and become completely dysfunctional. This is - in the view of Art Burshy - why many managers change jobs every 2 years. He calls these managers seagulls; they fly into the company, covering it in a shitload of problems, and fly away after 2 years to the next company to start all over again.

And yes, now he is reviewing the CV of a person claiming to have 50 years of management experience. So, what would that mean:
- either the man is retired or started managing at age 3
- maybe this guy solved the time travel-challenge and manages in several time zones in parallel?
- he is too stupid to understand there are limits to exaggeration
- it is a typo, and should read 20 instead of 50...
Well, Art is not gonna read any further. It is not his task to take time to understand people that are incapable to communicate; it is their task to convince Art.

So, Art continues with the stack classifying the candidates in "Good", "Bad" and "Terrible". And actually Art has gone quite mild in his judgement:
Good - when it is possible that experience is somehow relevant for the job
Bad - When there is no relevance at all
Terrible - When the persons experience is not relevant and he/she displays pathetic or stupid behaviour through their letter or CV.

Unfortunately the bucket for "terrible" is almost full, so Art will need to empty it or even be milder than before and put them on the "Bad" stack.

Control devices

Art Burshy is this weekend going to Paris for another visit.
Fully prepared he leaves the hotel room and like a true tourist he holds a map of Paris in his right hand.

There is so much to see in Paris, so Art just loves to walk around.
He actually has a bit of a strange approach to explore the city:
Step 1 - completely get lost
This step in Paris is not so difficult. Just walk into some of the older parts, taking the small streets, and before you know you have no clue where you are.
Step 2 - get more lost
This step is just asking Parisians the way to a certain place; they will happily explain but in the end you will really not know where you are. From experience it works best to ask the way to a place a bit further from where you are, or even better, to a non-existing place.
Step 3 - integrate
At the place where you end up, completely lost, you look for a typical local cafe. You mostly recognise by
(i) the cafe is very small, and you should have hardly any space to enter through the door.
(ii) the owner stands behind the bar and a few customers sitting at the bar (or rather leaning over the bar),
(iii) and best indicator would be the teeth of the man behind the bar; proper signs of smoking and drinking should mark his smile, and a look on his face showing an absolute non-interest to welcome you as a new customer.
No matter what time, you order a glass of red wine and sit at the bar.
You look grumpy and non-interested while sipping from the wine, and after some time you ask (in your best french) whether there is anything interesting in the area.
Insist, also by complimenting the bartender saying he must know the area so well, receiving so many guests and having such a nice cafe.
Step 4 - define your target sightseeing
If you had truly interesting advice at the bar you go for it and see where you end up.
If not, check where you are on the map, and look for the nearest attraction.

Well, and here Art is standing in the Paris streets, the map of Paris in his hands and looking around to see where he is. All of a sudden he observes the people around him.
Where are they going? Are they tourists or Parisians? Do they manage without a map?
Then he realises something weird...they are all watching a small device while they walk...
Art wonders:
- Do these devices tell the people where to go? The people look like zombies, so that might be the case,
- Who controls these devices? Which superpower is controlling these zombies?
- Are these the famous "Smart Phones", and would they replace the intelligence of "not-so-smart" people?
- Is there a risk that someone takes over control of all Smart Phones and start screwing with our minds, controlling mankind ?
Ah well, Art observes his brain starting to make strange thoughts and developing weird feelings of anxiousness when reflecting on these suspicions.

Art just feels it is a shame to see people rushing through the areas, focused on the devices and in a hurry.
They miss out on so many things:
- the rays of light colouring the houses warm yellow in the morning,
- the new fresh green leaves on the trees,
- the sound of the first birds singing in spring,
- the many types of creatively dressed people passing by.
Art feels it is better to run less, and enjoy more the walking.
And there used to be times where he tried to convince others, but if people would not listen. As long as people do not experience pain they will just not reflect on changing.
So Art stopped, and just tries to maximise his own pleasure walking through life.

getting stuff fixed

Art Burshy had issues this week in his bath room.
Basically his boiler went out of order, and he had no hot water anymore.

Well, no panic for Art Burshy, our artist can deal with this type of practical discomforts.
He called the landlord to see that they would come to fix it, and after trying a few times he actually got a woman on the phone. She asked him several questions that Art answered with the greatest politeness...they were obviously gonna solve the issue.

Fortunately it was spring so he did not need the hot water for heating his house. Although spring this year has been extremely cold so far. Art even started wondering whether this global warming of the planet is again a kind of marketing campaign for some producer. A producer that will soon surprise us with his magic solution for global warming, and earning a shitload of money by selling a cure for an issue that does not exist.

Well, even though spring is a bit cold, the heating is not such a big issue. As Art gets a bit older he does really enjoy heating up his apartment, though.
Art even enjoys dancing naked in the heated house, acting silly, mimicking ballet and getting all carried away. Some time ago he discovered that the neighbours opposite of his apartment could actually see him. And initially with retrospective shame he wondered how many times they would have seen him performing his naked Swan Lake performance.
Nowadays he actually does not mind anymore; what could happen if they see him?
Sure they have seen other naked people before.
There is no law forbidding you to dance naked in your apartment, and shocking your neighbours.
What is the worst that could happen?
And after some time he actually started liking the idea of the neighbours seeing him...to execute his RIGHT to dance naked in front of them.
Art started thinking that at some point it could also be a good statement against the current social obsession with nudity and sex... Nowadays if an artist makes a beautiful portrait of a naked body, it directly creates loads of attention and negative response, considering it as some sort of porn. At the same time the whole Internet is swamped with hardcore porn movies and pictures, but as it is not in our face every day we do not really seem to care.

Back to the reflections about hot water...
Well, clearly the current situation meant that Art had no hot water for showers. He started writing down  all the options for the time it would not get fixed:
1. Was this the moment to start having cold showers. Art had heard that a cold shower is actually a very healthy habit, and helped relaxing your body. Was this maybe a sort of sign from some divine entity to make a change in his life.
Well, as (a)Art does not believe in classical view of an almighty God, and (b) after all it is just a small issue of not having hot water, he decided it was not a meaningful event causing him to change his life so dramatically.
He actually could not imagine cold water would be good; at moments he could see himself even dying in the shower under and freezing cold spray of liquid ice drops.
2. He could also just have no showers at all...creating a spiritual freedom of his body, freedom to be dirty...and smelly too probably.
3. It could be a reason to call old friends that did not live very far, asking if he could have a shower at their place, or
4. Aaah, yet another option; he could go to a public swimming pool! Directly he imagined himself diving in the large pool, and everyone running out of the water when the water turned slowly yellow and brown from Art's dirt. It would be nice, and he would have all the pool to himself.

Art snapped out of his lovely reflections, stopped writing and went on with his life. The day passed and nothing happened really; he called the landlord and nobody responded.
5 days later suddenly a handyman stood in front of his door. Art had kind of survived reducing his contact with cold water as much as possible. He had washed himself with a small wet towel, shivering from head to toe. And after several tries, and a regular "someone will come tomorrow" from the landlord, his moods got as dirty as his skin.
A small smile cracked his face, as he realised misery might be over soon....he even gave the handyman a cup of coffee (not too luxurious, as he worried that the handyman would like it too much and stay longer than needed).
Finally after 5 hours of unclear activity in the bath room the handyman came out. The man in general did not look very joyful; it must not have been his dream to become a handyman. This time he even looked less pleased, with a big frown on his forehead.
He explained Art that someone else needed to come to fix the issue....

Well, maybe good not to describe the language that somehow came from the moving lips of Art Burshy. The handyman however looked unmoved, as if he got immunity for words over all these years where he had to solve the shit of others. And then he left, leaving Art was even more puzzled than before...

Art Burshy took his notes with options from before.
He realised that he lost his joyful pleasure from the time he was first confronted with not having hot water, and all related trouble still seemed quite innocent and small.
Things now really got so bad that he didn't see the humour of it anymore.
Somewhere soon this boiler needed to be fixed, and all space for humour had left through the door.

It was like a list of nice things-to-do becomes loses its inspiration when you have to do them under time pressure.
The moment you realise that you have too little time to do everything, pleasure and energy walk out of the door.
Time pressure turns joyful initiatives into painful energy sucking burdens...
So Art did what one can do best in such cases, back to bed !

I love you too much

Art Burshy has picked up his routine of making portraits.
Not so much because he loves it, but actually to make some money, and people are generally more interested and connected to portraits than in his regular abstract art works.
And having done some portraits last week he started liking it again.
Sure, it is bloody difficult, especially as Art has decided not to use modern techniques to 'copy' a picture on the canvas.
He knows some artists project pictures on the canvas and then just add paint to fill the shapes, degenerating art to reproduction.
Art feels that in order to make a portrait you need to let the person appear through you.
Sometimes it requires to intensely look at the person, almost meditating, closing your eyes and feel the person inside you.
Sometimes he feels it works like a beam of light that enters your chest and when opening your eyes you start painting.

I asked Art why this is so important and he explained:
When painting you have to exceed the primary aesthetic desire to create something beautiful.
An aesthetic drive limits your freedom of expression; you focus on shape and colour, and reproducing as exactly as possible the image you see.
Even not working with pure copy you can end up reproducing And when you have made one nice line it brings you fear; fear to ruin the beautiful line you made, fear to not create a 'good' image, fear to be make a mistake.
That fear keeps you within the lines, within what a portrait should look like.
It allows the limited and 'safe' rational thoughts to take over the painting, with terrible consequences and mediocre paintings as a result.
You should make every portrait in the full awareness of the mortality of the other person, and it is better to make 1 great painting in your life than 100 mediocre ones.

When however you find a way of painting that purely relies on feeling, and on finding the image that represents how you experience the person being portrayed, then you will have the power to make a meaningful portrait.
The feeling and trance, or maybe a sort of flow, pushes away the fears and opens the space ready to be transformed into a new personal reality.

Art also explained me that he has learnt also to approach people like this, like making a portrait of them.
He is convinced that no matter who and where, you should always approach people with such an open mind, with a modest soul, and willing to let them appear through you.
Almost like allowing them into and merge with your aura (although Art makes clear he is not a believer of 'religious' aura-shit).
Yes, you listen differently when approaching people like an artist.
You provide the container for the other person's expression, you put the other person in the centre, and you ask real questions.
Not the average cold talk, but questions that matter, that are sometimes more difficult but should not be avoided.
And you are not afraid to allow the silence to take over, to notice the breathing, to absorb the emotions that are not explicitly expressed.

Anyway, while Art was explaining this all to me his wife came in, a truly beautiful appearance.
And honestly I sometimes wonder what she sees in this bearded awkward artist with his many moods and strong opinions.

She asks when Art actually will make a portrait of her..?

Art looks at her with love in his eyes and says: "Of course I can not make your portrait...I just love you too much".
And one might think he is making a joke, or he is trying to avoid the discussion, but in Art's mind this is a completely true and sincere answer.
Art in his words loves her so much that making a portrait of her brings him fear:
- fear not to capture her full beauty
- fear of her having too high expectations
- fear of himself having even higher expectations
- fear that it becomes this unfulfilled obsession
- fear of ruining his own image of her; that if the portrait fails the terrible painted image dominates his view of her
And he is not sure he will be able to deal with this fear, and to put the fear as easily aside as when painting the son of the milkman, or his colleagues wife.

At the same time deep down inside he knows there will be a day when he feels like making that portrait, and he will paint her solely from memory and full of feeling, and it will be purely the way she appears through him. And maybe it will come close to the beauty he sees in her.