Art's view on interesting conversations

Again Art Burshy had been to a reception, this time with his son.
This was a work party where also family had been invited.
And of course Art today was ready to share all his thoughts and reflections on what happened and how these things work.

'In work situations - and probably in general - you should always keep in  mind that everyone has interesting stories and you should not feel superior to other people at any time.
Actually, like philosopher Edward De Bono would say: when you have a different opinion it based on a) different information, b)different experience or c)different values. And stupid people do not exist.
So whenever you feel that someone is having stupid ideas, start exploring with open questions which information or experience it is that has lead the person to his opinion. Or what values he/she has that drives their emphasis on specific arguments.

But...it is interesting to see that more intelligent people often have more limitations in speaking; not sure why this is, and also not sure whether my own mind plays tricks on me when observing different people act in public.
Sure, the more you know, the more you know that you don't know....
And probably for very smart people cold talk actually is very boring as it does not bring any interesting angle or views
Or is it more fear of not meeting up with expectations... like fear is one of the deeper drivers of mankind...
Probably most interesting conversations are with kids as they a) really are curious to know everything and b) when they talk it is to share something that really is relevant to them. And when they are angry, they are 100% angry and not afraid to show it.'

So, when Art's son today was a bit overwhelmed by the reception and all those people, Art told him to find 'dumb' people, as 'they often do not seem to have any problem talking for hours about basic stuff'.

Art Burshy himself went out to find an interesting person.
He gave himself the assignment to talk to that person like an artist would look at any object while painting.
An artist focuses on breathing, and then lets the object or person appear through himself.
So when Art found someone, a young man, and he changed his breathing, felt relaxation go through his body. Art imagined the person's image beam into his breast while taking a deep breath. He smiled, and started asking open questions, truly focused on the story of the young man.
This technique helps artists not to focus on the perfect shape, but more on the expression of how they see the object, not afraid of making a wrong line, helping to make the art work much more powerful and expressive.
Now, in the conversation it helped Art to ask more personal questions, and the man actually told him everything.
'Wow', sighed the man, 'it was so nice to speak to you....would be good to meet up some time...I will give you my business card...'
But Art raised his hand calmly and replied 'don't worry, we will meet again...'

I asked Art why he was so convinced that he would meet the guy again...
Art: "well, sometimes it is just great to appreciate the moment and not try to extend it....
next time if we would meet up based on current expectations it would probably be a disappointment...
it would ruin the memory of the special conversation today...
so just enjoy the conversation for what it is...
and if we ever meet again we will see what happens...'

chubby people have more...

Art Burshy came by today, all spontaneously, he was humming and had a big smile on his face.
He started with "How are you?" and apparently listened when I gave him a basic short-story-that-we're-all-busy-but-everything-fine summary.
I was hardly finished when he asked me: "Wanna see my new tattoo?"

I was a bit puzzled and surprised and in a state of "do I really want to know? "
And it was the start of a 'funny'conversation

"It really is a cool tattoo" Art continued and he started widening the collar of his shirt to show me more of his skin.
Initially I only saw some sort of lady with long blond hair.
"Does your wife not mind that you have a half-naked woman on your chest?"
Art Burshy smiled:
"It is a picture of my wife, stupid. And actually she likes the fact that I demonstrate my commitment to her so unconditionally".
And does she have a tattoo of you?
"Well, of course not, that would ruin her beauty; putting a picture of a bearded old man on her skin..."

So how many tattoos do you have?
"Well I would guess 60% of my body is covered...so 40 % left to go... and the good thing is: I have more skin because I am so chubby.

Of course being chubby is not good, but I am honest about it; it is just because I eat and drink too much; just love it.

I face reality, contrary to most chubby people that always put the blame or trigger outside themselves:
- it's this weird family thing - everyone in my family is fat...
- they have an amazingly slow metabolism
- they were born with heavy bones
- there are too many temptations being offered
- they have an allergy for a some stuff that is in almost every food
- and of course they are too busy watching TV and therefore having no time to exercise
And they are always the first to point out to other people that 'others are lucky to never get fat whatever they eat'.
In that way they are a bit like parents would talk about their kids:
- when it is negative it is the character they were born with - they can not help it
- when it is good it is because the parents raised them so well."

Doesn't it give problems at work to have these tattoos? Do your employers understand and tolerate you looking so atypical?
"Well, I have observed several reasons why others accept:
- when they know you are good at what you do
- when they actually have wanted tattoos themselves but never dared
- when in the end they just do not give a f**k
- when they have one themselves but have it hidden.
Once I came to work short sleeved, and my manager said 'this will have consequences for your career'. I told him that I would accept any consequences, although I thought it would be unfair.
I never heard about it ever again, and I was promoted anyway a few months later.
People often worry too much about these things, and then stand in their own way..."

Art left as quickly and joyfully as he had arrived.
That night when in bed next to my lovely wife I whispered:
"Darling, what would you say if I had a picture of you tattooed on my chest?"
She slowly turned around towards me, a frown curling the skin on her forehead...
"Are you okay baby? Did Art Burshy get crazy things in your mind again?" was the only thing she asked.
I kissed her and wished her a good night, not really knowing what more to say...

It gets me all wrinkled

I ran into Art Burshy this morning - he was stretched on a chair in front of a coffee place, wearing sun glasses and sipping coffee from a very large cup. I asked if it was a nice cappuccino, and he looked up slowly...´no, it is filled with espresso...and I need it. If I could inject it directly in my veins I would not hesitate a second...´ he whispered with a broken voice.
Turned out that Art had been drinking quite some wine the night before, so it must not have been a big surprise to be hung over the next day. And he did not deny he 'deserved' facing the consequences, he just started explaining me....

There are people that live their life respecting all rules of health; go to bed early, no alcohol, no fat in the food, not too much salt, even less sugar, etc. Sure such life style is respectable and if such people are a bit lucky they might live to become 110 years....
But does that mean you lived your life to the max; have you done all to explore your boundaries and dive into the enormously deep sea of life. It is important to walk naked into the sea, to accept its darkness and lose yourself now and then. As long as you do not drown in your own darkness all is fine.
As Art Burshy says: "when you come back from your darkness you will see more the brightness of the colours in your every day life.
And for an artisrt this is essential; if you do not explore your darkness and dysfunctyional behaviours, how could your art ever represent a meaningful journey?!"

It is not the first time he told me this sort of story and view of things.
I told him that in my mind this would mean your body might more quickly become older, show traces of being structurally tired and of using alcohol or even other stuff.

Art looked at me with open eyes and his eye brows in a serious frown as if he was wondering if I was joking, stupid or... just very naive.
"Yes, it gets me all wrinkled... and I just love it" he said and
"there's nothing wrong with cleaning your veins with some alcohol now and then."

I realised arguing had no effect on this man, wished him a good day and headed home.

I never eat alone

Art Burshy had been travelling this week. He was visiting Paris for an 'important' business negotiation meeting.
The whole day people had spent time in a room talking about setting up some new business together. And there were different nationalities involved, so a good ingredient for many misunderstandings.

Art always flies under the radar at such meetings; big ego's never make good negotiations. So he laid low at the start of the meeting, observing the regular dynamics happening:
- the Americans jumping enthusiastically head first, seeing all commercial opportunities and justifying those with statistics and branding stories
- the Dutch highlighting all the issues that could be encountered, wanting guarantees for every little issue and also openly sharing way too much of their considerations to get the best commercial outcome.
- the Belgians all silent, calm and thoughtful bringing up points; and when confronted with negative feedback or being overruled - smiling and withdrawing - waiting for the next moment to bring up the same point again.
- the French emphasising the relationships and confident that in the end all can be solved, exploring the intellectual concept rather than focusing on approach and delivery
- the English saying a lot without saying anything really; masters in understatement and joyful beating around the bush
- the Germans bringing their view of the world in many layers of details, listening to others but persisting in their view and structure as being superior.

Art had seen it all, and he knew all cliches, stereotypes and prejudices.
The only thing Art had really learnt was that dealing with other cultures requires less talking and more listening. If you go too much on the stereotypes you risk missing important points and values that actually should be addressed. Also, you always forget how much your behaviour and interpretations are defined by your own culture and context; and therefore you risk wrongly interpreting behaviours of people from other cultures.
So, shutting up and observing was key. As a consequence of being silent and asking questions of other people's views, people do not see you as a threat... which is a great asset once final proposals have to be made for the compromises.

Anyway, it had been a long day, much talking and finally reaching a good result.
Many people then proposed to go out for dinner, but Art felt like being a moment alone after sooo much display of ego and talking. He went for a walk in the centre of Paris, along the canal St Martin and its nice little cafes, Rue du Temple searching for nice street art, and then finding a small restaurant in the Marais area.
He knew the food would be great and also anticipated the question of the waiter: "are you alone or are you waiting for someone", where Art replied "I never eat alone...I am eating with my smart phone".

It sounded more sad than it actually was. And of course Art was just joking, although there had been moments where he had observed himself and others realising that people fill up any loneliness with their smart phones...
Well, anyway, Art Burshy liked his moments alone; some free space for reading, drawing and reflection, or just enjoying an endless vacuum of thought-space in his mind. He took a glass of wine, thought of his wife and his kids, and started reflecting on his recent art concept and about life - because these things are more important than a silly negotiation with old white men in a small sweaty room...and definitely more urgent than sending social media updates to people you hardly ever see but that you call 'friends'.

After Art had finished telling me the story I wondered whether he was actually contradicting himself, because in some cases he shares a lot (also through me) about his life and reflections in social media...
But when I asked him about he said: that's different because the intention is different: a) spreading the virus of wonderment and reflection and b) pure marketing...