Art Burshy almost got into a fight today...and he had not done or said anything to annoy the guy...
Art had been to a company event; as most of you know by now, this sort of events are not his favourite places to be.
A man had approached him; wearing some very colourful shoes and a 'matching' shirt. Art thought the man looked like a lollipop... and although it s a display of bad taste, not by itself a reason to disengage.
The big guy had started to speak to him, about many things.
About how the company was doing and that the employees needed to have more customer focus, they needed to bring the services to a new level, they needed to stop raising issues and be solution oriented...
These were all things Art could not disagree with; these are sort of universal high level intentions often communicated by top management.
However, Art had not often seen that such high level 'slogans' had ever worked in changing people's approach. In his view - to actually change behaviour - you have to be clear to people on:
a) what is the behaviour that you do not want, and more importantly
b) what is the different behaviour you would like to see.
Especially b) seems difficult for people to come up with.
Now, Art generally dislikes people that speak like this and just make bullshit bingo remarks without knowing any material part of the detailed issues and/or giving any concrete direction.
But Art had learnt to control these 'allergies' as he calls them.
I asked him what he meant with allergies...like physical allergies, where you get some sort of skin reaction?
Art explained:
We all have our strengths and we use these strengths already when we are young in tackling issues that we are facing, or we use them to overcome our insecurities when in puberty. As a consequence we depend very much on these strengths and they become part of our nature; we do not even notice them anymore.
Thay make us try to use the same strengths and skills as a tool to solve all problems; it determines how we see the problem and how we think it should be solved. And it so we make mistakes; we use the wrong tools for some of our problems, and we don't see it when we screw it up.
And when people show strongly opposite behaviour this triggers an allergy...we strongly disapprove and even feel resentment...and we think it is of course the fault of the other person...but actually it says more about our own strengths and defects...
It was a bit abstract for me so I asked Art to give an example....
As an example Art told me he had a strong sense of humour when he was young; he used to make jokes in awkward situations, for example when his father and mother were quarrelling... and even at this day and time Art uses his sense of humour in awkward situations. But humour is not the solution to any awkward situation, and at times Art makes some very inappropriate jokes.
And when other are in search of conflict and keep pushing it...it triggers an allergy with Art...
'why do people need to look for a fight now?'
'what do you think that a fight will bring?"
'did anything ever got resolved by fighting?'
These are all reasoning Art could use to justify the stupid behaviour of the other.
But in fact, in some cases it is good to set boundaries and to make clear that you do not like certain behaviour of other people...
Art saw my puzzled face and made me a quick drawing below to explain...
During this drink where Art almost got into a fight...apparently the other man believed strongly in his ability to share high level insights and his great way of convincing people. When Art did not seem impresses, showed no sign of engagement and remained silent it had annoyed the man. He increased his efforts, but Art remained passive, so...it triggered the man's allergy...
So I asked Art what he does when having this insight...do you accept all your own weirdness...or do you actually do something about it?
"That is what we call the challenge..." said Art.
"Your challenge is to use your strengths while ensuring you do not enter into your pitfalls.
Like: Use your sense of humour to lighten up difficult situations, but make sure important discussions, feedback and insight are not avoided."
I asked him if he himself had thought up this theory, but he told me it was a guy named Hoffman that came up with this concept of 4 core quadrants: strengths-pitfalls-allergies and challenges.
"And does it help? Is it true?"
"Well" said Art "I would not know...but I just use anything that gives me any insight in my own bloody weirdness, haha. Never believe man-made methods and concepts are true,
These concepts are just a way of looking at reality and deal with it's complexity and diversity.
But it is actually the weirdness and insanity that makes life fun, but unfortunately many people do not see it, causing them great stress and efforts to deal with it and keep up appearances"
And Art just walked away once again.
