I was travelling to work in the tram when all of a sudden I noticed Art Burshy was in the same tram. I first wanted to wave and yell his name so he could see me, but then I saw he was absorbed by watching his smartphone and having a colourful purple headphone carefully placed over his hat.
Art was not looking very amused and I wondered if his phone failed to work or maybe he couldn't find the right music or maybe he received a terrible message.
We exited at the same tram stop and then he saw me.
He directly started asking me questions, for which it was clear that he was not really waiting for me to answer. Actually, it was quite clear that a sincere attempt to answer would rather create an eruption than a gentle dismissive nod. So I decided to shut up and listen...
"Why do people have headphones?
Do they not realise why it was invented?
Don't they know that it was once a modest Japanese man inventing these devices for a specific purpose?
And...what would that purpose have been?
NOT TO DISTURB OTHERS WITH YOUR F**** MUSIC !!!!
So why do they put their headphones so loud that everyone can hear?
And then why do other people start speaking together loudly?
Why cant they shut up until they arrive at destination?
The worst is of course people listening to music, and then starting a conversation...
Anyway, I was looking for Apps on my smartphone.
Loads of apps for the weirdest and most useless topics.
Some ideas for Apps that would really be helpful would be:
- Let-them-all-shut-up APP > creating anti-sound or using bluetooth to connect to the other device and kill it, yessss
- Chase-them-away-APP > device issuing such a high pitch tone that everyone, except for me, is forced to take distance and move to another tram compartment
- Fake-Announcement-APP > one that issues an announcement as if it was the conductor: "this tram has a defect, please all leave at the next stop. Apologies for any inconvenience caused".
And that's only for having some peace of mind in public transport.
Other more revolutionary Apps could be:
- Avoid-stupid-people-APP > having a GPS that guides you away from any annoying people in your neighbourhood, or at the work place.
- Cold-talk-APP > that gives you subjects and useless backgrounds that can be used to survive brainless discussions at occasions where you do not know people but are supposed to entertain them, such as weddings, company parties and client sessions.
- Fake-urgent-call-APP > that fakes a call when you are speaking to a very uninteresting person and need to be saved
- Mega-fart-APP > One that makes sound of a fart and allows you to ask who did that terrible stinking fart and move to another side of the room or completely escape in the resulting chaos.
Ah well...I should really consider creating some of these apps...it could actually be worthwhile and generate some money...
- Repeat-boring-activities-APP > where you can demo an action once and it repeats it multiple times. For example at work, when doing repetitive work or having to explain the same message over and over.
- Avoid-energy-suckers-APP > that identifies that someone that is about to suck energy away is almost entering your office. There are these people that when they enter your office you already know they are just there to complain, ask questions to which they know the answers, are passive aggressive etc. At work it is more difficult as you are supposed to act as a colleague and are not supposed to offend or hurt them... So when these people arrive the app could automatically close the door or fake you are busy...
Unfortunately I have more important things to do than invading the App industry with my revolutionary ideas...;
stare at a white piece of paper waiting for creative ideas, or
get bored on the couch,
check what the most stupid TV programs are, and of course
chase my kids assuming I am in control of their lives..."
And then Art Burshy abruptly stopped walking, looked around, waved goodbye and walked away screaming: "YES, DEFINITELY, THE MOST USEFUL APP ON THIS PLANET WOULD BE THE LET-THEM-ALL-SHUT-UP APP..." leaving me standing on the pavement with a puzzled mind and wondering whether Art had been really serious or whether it all had been sarcastic...
I guess with artists you never really know.
